using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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