as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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