that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
