I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
