Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
