Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
