I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
