All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
