Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
