We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
