wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
