3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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