omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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