she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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