Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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