I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
