i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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