the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
