I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
