Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just threw up on my dentist
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
