He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
