You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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