why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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