I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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