If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you didnt know i had herpes?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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