Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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