All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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