Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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