I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
