she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
