You just made me feel so damn special
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
