Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm passing your future prison.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
