I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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