I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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