I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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