you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We talked him into tasing himself.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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