Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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