Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
