You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
