Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
