we made out on top of his cat.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
