I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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