dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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