i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
