fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
