Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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