well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
