i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
