Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
organizing the empties. That sober.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
