i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
