Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
