how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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