youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
