So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
