Plan B is the new Plan A
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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