you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
