Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do vagina's smell?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
