So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
