After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm at about main and main street
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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