remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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