wanna go halves on a baby?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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