Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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