My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
