I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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