ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
