please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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