Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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