a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize