Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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